Struggling to understand the best ways to help a child in grief?

Some helpful tips include…

ALLOW THEM TO EXPRESS THEIR FEELINGS

It’s good for kids to express whatever emotions they are feeling. Reading books about grief together can be a great way to start a conversation with a child. Since many children aren’t able to express new or strong emotions through words, other helpful outlets include drawing pictures, building a scrapbook, writing, looking at photo albums, or telling stories. These expressions can give you some important clues about what children are thinking. Ask them to tell you about their artwork or play but be careful not to jump to conclusions or overgeneralize feelings. For example, very happy drawings after a traumatic death might give adults the idea that a child is not affected by the death when, in fact, this is more likely a sign that the child is not yet ready to deal with the grieving process.

BE DEVELOPMENTALLY APPROPRIATE

It is hard to know how a child will react to death, or even if he/she can grasp the concept. It is most helpful to use concrete wording and answer questions as you are able. Very young children often don’t realize that death is permanent, and the concept of “forever” can be confusing. Many experience “magical thinking” when processing a death which can sometimes lead to feelings of guilt or a sense of responsibility for the death. Older, school-age children understand the permanence of death, but they may still have many questions. Do your best to answer honestly, succinctly, and clearly. It’s okay if you can’t answer everything. In fact, sometimes it is good to “wonder” with a child. Being available to them is what matters.

BE DIRECT

When discussing death, try not to use euphemisms. Kids are very literal, and hearing that a loved one “went to sleep” can be scary. Euphemisms can interfere with their opportunity to develop healthy coping skills that they will need in the future. Give them language and permission to talk about death, feelings and changes in their lives.

STICK TO ROUTINES

During times of great change, children find great comfort in routines and expected activities. It is ok to ask for help from others to create and maintain consistency which allows kids to feel a sense of safety and normalcy during an emotional time. Modeling flexibility when routines do need to be shifted can allow for increased comfort and a feeling of safety.