What are some things that you can do to help a teen who is experiencing grief?

Listen | Show Up | Normalize
Give Space | Engage | Comfort

WHAT DOES GRIEF LOOK LIKE? IT LOOKS DIFFERENT FOR EVERYONE.

Teen grief looks like anything and everything — and sometimes like nothing at all. It’s different for everyone. Just because someone is grieving doesn’t mean you’ll be able to tell by what they look like or how they are acting. They may still look happy and not be overtly showing signs of sadness all of the time. Grief can be affected by a child’s age and developmental stage, their relationship with the person who died, beliefs or non beliefs, gender, culture, ethnicity, family background and structure, social support…and many other things that makes the grieving child unique.

THE IMPORTANCE OF SHOWING UP AND ACTING NORMAL

After a death, everything in the teen’s world likely feels new and strange. They often appreciate the friends who continue to text, call, and just hang out with them. They might say no to socializing (because grief takes a LOT of energy and can make someone feel REALLY tired) but don’t take it personally. Don’t be insulted if it takes a while to get a text or call back or if they don’t respond at all. Sometimes they just need you to understand and not be hurt by them being quiet. Some texts that might be helpful:
“Hey — no need to get back to me. Just wanted to let you know I’m here.”
Maybe attach a funny meme or something to make them laugh in the moment.
“Don’t feel pressure, but we are going to the movies this weekend if you would want to join us”.

CHECKING IN

Many people in grief, including teens, often have a hard time answering “How are you?” because they likely are struggling but might not want to share that. So they might have two versions of the answer to that question: the “sugar-coated” polite version and the truth. If you want to ask a grieving teen how they are, be sure you have the time and energy to listen to the real answer. Reaching out helps them feel less alone, so here are some other ways to ask how they are doing that might be a little easier for them to answer.
What’s happening with you in this moment?
How’s your grief been come up for you lately?
What would be most helpful from me right now?

WHERE DO I START WITH THEM?

A teen’s grief cannot be “fixed”, so don’t feel the pressure to do that for them.
What can do you then?
Show up, stick around, act normal, and listen. Sounds easy right? It can be, but sometimes death and grief can make people very uncomfortable, so there’s a good chance the teen is having to deal with other people’s feelings about their feelings. You can make a difference by being the person who listens without making it about you.